The First Session Is Not What You Think

ML Counseling Blog | What to Expect | Audience: Potential Clients

So what's it like? You know, doing this therapy thing?

I can't count how many times, right after an intake session ends, I ask my client, so was this as bad as you thought it was going to be? And they say no, it wasn't bad at all. Or, no, I actually feel better just talking about this with you. Or, no, I'm actually looking forward to our next session.

You imagined having an awkward conversation about all your trials and tribulations with some stranger sitting there, judging you and your experiences. Feeling like the fact that you're seeking counsel from someone makes you weak. I'm the strong friend. Everyone comes to me. I don't need to go and talk to "the lady." Nothing is wrong with me.

But think about it. When someone has a large sum of money, they seek out an accountant. When they have a cough that won't go away, they see a doctor. When they want to pursue a career in something, they find a mentor, a coach, or even a book written by someone who specializes in that subject. Seeking that kind of support is normal. It's expected. It's smart.

So why is it taboo to talk to someone after you've experienced a major life change or stressor? Even if that professional is only there to help you make sense of your experience, that can be helpful. What about wanting a place just for you, to be you, and to talk about everybody in a way that you haven't been able to before?

That First Session Sets the Tone

I make sure to ease any discomfort you might be feeling right from the start. I'll often spend real time in that first session talking about your fears around this process, what you've heard about therapy, your previous experiences, your expectations. I call it out early on purpose, because it makes the rest of my job easier. Do you think I don't understand the weight of what you're taking on by sitting across from me?

After that conversation, I'm open with you about some of the discomfort that might come up as you start sharing personal moments from your life. I let you know, if I ask you something you're not ready to discuss, that's okay. Just tell me you're not ready, and we'll move on.

Sometimes what you're sharing with me hasn't been said out loud to anyone, not even your best friend. I don't take that lightly. And I know we're still early in this relationship, so I'm not expecting all of it today. It'll come when it's ready to.

So yes, in that intake session, I'm getting all up in your business. But you also have every right to say, respectfully, I'm not ready. What I'm really doing is giving you permission to express discomfort, letting you know it's normal to feel that way, and giving you the words to use in this space if you need them.

I also need to understand who you are, where you come from, and how those experiences and relationships have shaped you. I'm looking at all of these environmental factors, because I'm assessing how they might be contributing to what's going on for you right now.

None of this only happens through what's said out loud, though. My role in the room isn't just to listen to what you tell me. It's to notice what you're not saying too, your body language, your pauses, the things that show up without words.

That initial session is about me gathering information about you before offering a resolution. Don't you want me to try to get to know you first, before I start suggesting what needs to change?

I'm Also Figuring Out if I'm the Right Fit

That initial assessment also includes identifying whether you fit the type of client I specifically work with. Every therapist is not going to be the ideal fit for every client, and every client has specific needs. Sometimes someone would benefit from a modality I'm not trained in. When that's the case, I'll have that conversation with you directly, and either link you to someone I think is a better fit or give you details on the type of therapy you should be exploring at that time.

Then We Set Goals, Together

At the end of our intake session, we move to goal developing, which identifies what we're working on. You may have come in with some set goals in mind. I may have identified some goals during the assessment phase that I think need to be addressed. Together, we identify what makes the most sense for you at this time and how we plan on getting there.

The more transparent you are about your experiences during this session, the better equipped I am to figure out the best ways to support you. Sometimes that can mean you won't continue therapy with me. Whether that's because I'm just not a good fit, or because you need someone who specializes in a specific therapy I don't offer, it happens.

Sometimes my job is just to plant the seed. I don't always get to watch it grow. And I've made peace with that too.

At ML Counseling, that first conversation is where all of this starts, honestly, collaboratively, and at whatever pace actually works for you. Ask me any questions you may have.